Happiness
by shmalligator
Summary: A oneshot, following a scenario with each of the characters.


**Charlie Brown**

"So you kinda like me, huh, Chuck?"

"Good grief," I mumble, rolling my eyes.

She leans over. "Because it's okay if you do. You can tell me. I won't laugh at you."

I look over at her too-eager freckly face.

"Patty," I say slowly. "Have you ever considered that maybe _you_ like _me_?"

She stares at me, something in her face changing, like always. I bring this point up every day. Every day she acts like it's the dawning of a new day.

"Why, Chuck. Are you admitting your feelings for me through reverse psychology?"

"AUGH." I get up and stalk off while she calls after me, "You don't have to hide it, Chuck!"

I pause and turn just as she turns around, huffing a sigh.

"He'll admit it one day," she claims to the air. I shake my head and walk away.

It's the same every day. I sit right here, right under this tree, every single day. And every day, she walks by me, stops, looks, and sits down. Then she looks over and asks the same thing.

"So you kinda like me, huh, Chuck?"

"Good grief," I mumble, rolling my eyes.

She leans over. "Because it's okay if you do. You can tell me. I won't laugh at you."

I look over at her too-eager freckly face.

"Patty," I say slowly. "Have you ever considered that maybe (i)you(i) like (i)me(i)?"

She stares at me, something in her face changing, like always. I bring this point up every day. Every day she acts like it's the dawning of a new day.

"Why, Chuck. Are you admitting your feelings for me through reverse psychology?"

"AUGH." I get up and stalk off while she calls after me, "You don't have to hide it, Chuck!"

I pause and turn just as she turns around, huffing a sigh.

"He'll admit it one day," she claims to the air. I shake my head and walk away. I don't know why I bother.

* * *

**Snoopy**

Sally is not in a happy mood as she stalks up to me. The sky is clear and the air is warm; it is March, and spring is quickly approaching. I am lying on my dog house, observing the first warm day we've had in a long time.

"I just don't understand you!" It's Sally's squeaky little three-year-old voice behind me, but I don't move. She hates it when I don't respond.

"You lead such a useless life! You don't contribute anything! You-"

I lean down and kiss her nose, hoping it may shut her up. Her eyes widen. For a moment, she stares at me, then turns on her heel and wobbles away. I smirk to myself. A kiss on the nose does so much towards turning aside anger!

* * *

**Schroeder**

"D'ya know something, Schroeder?"

I don't respond to the screechy voice, mostly because I know it bothers her. I raise my eyebrows, but I don't think she notices.

"I think the way you play the piano is nice."

"I know," I say quietly, but she ignores me and leans farther onto my piano. I look up, worried that she might damage it. Deciding that she poses no threat to my prized toy piano, I look back down and continue playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

"D'ya know something else?" I shudder to think what it might be, but don't respond. "It's always been my dream that I'd marry a man who plays the piano."

Good grief.

She thinks she's going to marry me now?

"At parties you'd play something nice like April Showers."

Now she's just insulting my intelligence.

"I'm sure you could play something nice like April Showers," she persists.

Of course I can. I'm playing _Beethoven_. Anyone who can play Beethoven can certainly manage April Showers.

"Or even Frere Jaques."

...is she serious? Now I'm actually feeling angry, so I try to tune her out. With a voice like hers, it's kind of hard.

She frowns. "Beethoven's nice, too."

I nod slowly, but don't look up at her because I have to look at the music and the keys.

"Just imagine," Lucy starts, getting a dreamy look on her face. Uh-oh. "What would you think if someday you and I should get married?"

She leans closer to me; so close, in fact, that her short hair starts to shield the top of my music.

"Wouldn't you like that if someday we two should get married?"

I sigh and shake my head again, but she doesn't notice. Doesn't notice, or doesn't want to notice. She gets off my piano, sighing.

"My aunt Marian was right," she mumbles to herself. I almost can't hear her over the ending strains of the song. "Never try to discuss marriage with a musician."

I bang the last chord without looking at her, and she leaves.

* * *

**Peppermint Patty**

Another D-. I think I'm setting a record.

The boy in front of me, Franklin, turns around after getting his test handed back to him.

"What did you get on the test, Patty?" he asks. I'm sure he got an A.

"I got a D minus," I say, looking up at him.

"That's too bad," he comments, looking away from me.

"It doesn't bother me," I say matter-of-factly. I put the test down, smile, and fold my hands on the desk.

"I'm just glad I have my health!"

* * *

**Marcie  
**  
"Hello, girls!" comes a cheerful voice. Annie, Sarah and I all look over to see an older girl with short hair rushing over to us. 

"I'm Peppermint Patty, your tent monitor," she says once she reaches us.

She stops and smiles. "Actually, my name really isn't Peppermint Patty," she explains as though we don't already realize that.

"That's just a nick-name my dad gave me. He also calls me his 'Rare Gem,'" she says with a swell of pride. She turns to us.

"Now, what are your names?"

For a moment, we are all silent, giving her blank looks.

After all that, what can we say?

* * *

**Sally**

"Well, Sally, in a couple more weeks, you'll be starting Kindergarten," says Charlie happily, walking up to me.

"KINDERGARTEN?" I don't know what it means, and I want him to explain. He doesn't, of course, because he's my blockhead older brother.

"Sure... everybody has to go to school."

"SCHOOL?" I know what school means, but the thought of it is alarming.

"Of course! This is the way you become educated," he says cheerfully.

"EDUCATED?"

He sighs and turns around. "I see trouble ahead for some poor teacher."

"TEACHER?"

A few weeks later, I am nervous as can be. Big brother is putting on his coat saying, "Well, Sally, today is the first day of school."

I don't say anything, but I start shaking a little. We say goodbye to mommy and daddy, and Charlie starts to walk me to school.

"There it is, Sally," he says once we arrive, pointing to a big, scary brick building. "There's your school."

I stand and stare at it for a moment. It's so big! What if I get lost? What if the older kids pick on me? What if my lunch comes alive and tries to eat me?! What do I do then?!?

I do the only thing I know what to do.

I turn and run away, screaming.

After my big brother brought me to school, I discovered it wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, I actually liked it! I am raving to my love, Linus, after school, now.

"...and we sang song and we painted pictures! And we listened to stories, and we colored with crayons, and we rested and we had a snack and we played games.."

I sigh dreamily, remembering the golden times I had with the other children. "We had a wonderful time!"

I start to walk away, sharing my insight with him. "I think every child should go to Kindergarten."

I hear him sigh, but don't turn back around.

* * *

**Lucy  
**  
"Excuse me for a moment, Charlie Brown," I say, tapping my dopey sort-of friend on the shoulder. "Would you mind answering a few questions?" 

Charlie Brown smiles at me in that sweet Charlie Brown way that disgusts me.

"Certainly, Lucy," he says.

"Well," I explain, tapping my pencil on my notebook. "I'm conducting a survey to enable me to know myself better and first of all I'd like to ask..."

I look down at my notebook to read Charlie Brown the first question.

"On a scale of zero to one hundred, using a standard of fifty as average, seventy five as above average and ninety as exceptional, where would you rate me in regards to crabbiness?"

You have to explain these things to Charlie Brown. His blockheaded quality makes him a natural idiot.

He looks nervous. "Well, Lucy, I..."

"Your ballots need not be signed and all answers will be held in strictest confidence," I promise, nodding sweetly.

"Well, still, Lucy, that's a very hard question to answer."

He twiddles his thumbs and I sigh. "You may have a few moments to think it over if you want, or we can come back to that question later."

"I think I'd like to come back to it if you don't mind."

Ugh, the moron, never able to make up his mind. I continue on to keep myself from blowing up on him.

"This next question deals with certain character traits that you might have observed," I say, straightening my posture.

"Regarding my personality, would you say that I am a: forceful, b: pleasing, or c: objectionable." I raise my eyebrows as he thinks.

"What's it gonna be, a, b, or c, Charlie Brown? What would you answer be to that? What's your answer, Charlie Brown?! It won't work if you don't give me an answer, Charlie Brown!"

He jumps, stuttering, "I guess I'd have to say Forceful, Lucy."

I frown. "Forceful? Hm, I see. Well, we'll make a check at the letter A, then." I swallow, frowning.

"Now, would you rate my ability to get along with other people as poor, fair, good, or excellent?"

He pauses again and I have to restrain myself from socking him in the face.

"I think that depends a lot on what you mean by 'get along with other people'."

"You know," I persist. "Make friends, sparkle in a crowd. That sort of thing."

He stops, yet again. "Do you have a space for abstention?"

"Certainly," I huff. "I'll just put a check mark at none of the above."

Stupid indecisive Charlie Brown.

"The next question deals with my physical appearance."

I smile sweetly. "In referring to my beauty, would you say that I am stunning, mysterious, or intoxicating?"

I fluff my hair and bat my eyelashes at him.

Charlie Brown swallows uncomfortably. "Well.. gee, Lucy. You look just fine to me."

Well, that's what he really says. In my head he is raving, "You're beautiful, Lucy! The prettiest girl in town!"

I straighten and make a mark on my survey.

"Stunning."

After he blushes, I continue. "All right, Charlie Brown, I think we should get back to that first question. On a scale of zero to one hundred-"

"I.." he interrupts loudly. I shoot him a dirty look and he continues on quietly."

"I remember the question, Lucy." He looks nervous. That is not a good sign.

"Well?" I ask like he's an idiot, which he is.

"Fifty one?" he says tentatively.

What? Fifty one?

"Fifty one is your crabbiness rating for me?" He doesn't answer.

"Very well, then," I sigh. "Thank you very much for helping me with this survey, Charlie Brown. It is very much appreciated."

I shake his hand vigorously and he starts to walk away, blushing bright red. It is then that I see another question at the bottom that most definitely needs to be answered.

"Oh, just a minute, Charlie Brown!" I call. He stops and walks back to me.

"Am I the sort of person that you would like to have as president of your club or civic organization?"

"Oh, yes. By all means, Lucy."

I glow inside and put a big check next to "yes".

Charlie Brown awkwardly leaves with Snoopy close in tow.

Sally skips by, and I figure she'd be as good to question as anyone.

"Sally!" I call. "I'm conducting a survey and I wonder if-"

"A hundred and ten, C, poor, none of the above, no, and what are you going to do about the dent you made in my bicycle?"

She stalks off. It's amazing how fast word of these surveys get around.

Linus comes by after Sally, sucking his thumb and holding his stupid blue blanket. What a dork.

"Linus," I say to my little brother. If anyone knows me, it's Linus. He lives with me, after all.

"Could I ask you a few questions from a survey I'm conducting?"

"Sure, go ahead," he says, smiling.

"Okay. On a scale of zero to one hundred, where would you rate me with regards to crabbiness?"

Linus looks at me for a moment.

"You're my big sister."

I frown. "That's not the question, Linus."

"No," he says carefully. "But that's the answer."

"Linus!" I squeal. "Answer the question!"

"Look, Lucy," he starts to explain, turning to me. "I know very well that if I give any sort of an honest answer to that question, you're going to slug me."

Shoot, he's right.

I smile and put an arm gingerly around him.

"Linus, a survey that is not based on honest answers is like a house built on a foundation of sand. Would I be spending my time to conduct this survey if I didn't expect complete candor in all responses? I promise not to slug you, Linus, if you just answer the question."

He physically shakes as he struggles to find an answer. I'm becoming worried when he finally answers.

"Ninety five."

I can't take it. Between Charlie Brown and Linus, I have held in too much anger. I let go and slug him right in the arm, just like he said I would. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.

I walk away from Linus and begin adding up all the answers. I gasp and my eyes grow wide. "It's true!" I shriek. "I'm a crabby person! I've been spreading crabbiness everywhere I go!"

I gasp and throw the notebook like it's a disease.

"I'm a super crab!"

* * *

**Linus**

I am innocently sitting in my living room, watching television. My blanket is draped over me to keep me warm, and I am sucking my thumb. It's a peaceful day.

And then Lucy arrives and the quietness is gone.

"You and that stupid blanket!" she rants. I am used to this.

"You'll be carrying it around for the rest of your life!"

I get up and glare at my big sister. I have taken enough of this nonsense!

"That's not true! I have tremendous will power! Why, I could give up this blanket right today if I had to!" I shout. I'm not entirely sure it's true.

Suddenly, she yanks it out of my hands, yelling, "All right! Let's see you give it up today!"

She runs away with my blanket as I stand there, feeling naked without my blanket.

"Good grief! What have I done?!" I run after her. "Lucy! Come back here with that blanket! Please!"

* * *

**A/N: **Well, I'm in a production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown! right now, and it got me in a Peanuts-y mood. It's just a little one shot. A couple of scenes from the show, and a few scenes from the comics. :) Some of them have been altered slightly from the original. I'm aware there are better scenes I could have written for some of the characters, but I either couldn't find the original comic, didn't have the movie, or couldn't find that portion of my script.  
**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing. Not any of these scenes, not the characters, nothing at all. Don't sue me. I'm a poor fifteen year old and I have no money to sue for, anyway. 


End file.
